Whenever I see a Hummer as I'm navigating the streets of St. Louis, I immediately think about that scene in The Big Lebowski when Walter pays a visit to old Larry Sellers and takes a crowbar to what he thinks is Little Larry's Corvette. I am Walter. I scream wrathfully, "YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS YOU IGNORANT FUCK? YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU FUCK A STRANGER IN THE ASS!!!!" Each unnaturally rectangular window smashed, each dent inflicted, each headlight demolished, each angry warning is a culmination of years of putting up with ignorant, egotistic, elitist assholes who care about nothing besides how much better they are than you and making sure that everyone knows how much better they are than you.
Because, let's make no mistake about it, like an imprisoned 350 pound sociopath who lets it be known that another prisoner is his "bitch", those who drive Hummers making a clear statement as they knowingly (or even worse, ignorantly) violate each and every one of us with their throbbing, uncircumcised ego. They are saying, I can do whatever the fuck I want, and you can do nothing about it. You are my bitch. I'm tired of it. The earth is tired of it. So if you own a Hummer, be prepared to feel the wrath of my middle finger. And when you feel this wrath, know that I am mentally pummeling your piece of shit car.
And by the way, I feel the same way about F-350s and anything obnoxiously enormous. If you get under 20 MPG, get the fuck out of my face. We can all make responsible choices if we really want to.
Something to think about:
Whether we like to admit it or not, oil companies are making record profits each quarter for one main reason: consumer demand. It's simple economics. If people think they need something, they will pay whatever is asked to get it. If we stopped using so much of it, the cost would go down. This is the elephant in the room that so many of us are unwilling to admit. People who have to fill up every day are dramatically increasing that demand. Your Hummer is making me pay more money for my gas. Bullshit!
A few fun links:
Editor's note: we at Flipping Off Hummers are well aware of and applaud the great work done by the folks over at fuh2.com. I assure you that the idea came to us independent of this site. Think of us more as a local chapter, or your unofficial home for telling assholes who drive huge cars to fuck off.
- Photo courtesy of a.eye. Check out her blog if you want to learn something.
